Welcome to Read Before Burning, a monthly newsletter by psychologist Dr Ben J. Searle. Come here for simple but informative coverage of burnout-related concepts, research findings, and actionable advice – all firmly grounded in science.
Who am I? After earning a PhD in psychology, I spent 20 years in academia studying stress and burnout until I went through burnout myself. I now research, consult, and communicate about burnout and what to do about it.
How to Handle Burnout Disclosure
Last month (RBB Issue #09) I wrote about how, when someone discloses that they are burning out, many people respond in unhelpful ways (DRAB: deny, rebuke, assume, and bury). In this issue, I’m covering what you should do instead. There are only four simple principles to remember: Listen, Empathise, Ask, and Do.
Listen
When someone comes to us in distress, our desire to help may lead us ask a lot of questions and suggest a lot of actions. As I’ll explain below, there is a place for questions, suggestions, and actions. But one of the most important things you can do during this first disclosure conversation is to listen.
In addition to the symptoms of burnout itself, this disclosure conversation is likely to be a source of considerable anxiety, and possibly also shame (see RBB Issue #3). The discloser may be watchful for signs that they shouldn’t be talking to you, or maybe not to anyone.
This means you should give them your full attention. Put away your phone and your laptop. Even note-taking can get in the way. Demonstrate that you are genuinely listening.
It’s often during times of high demands or organisational change that people realise they are burning out, which means there’s a good chance you’ll have your hands full when someone wants to disclose their burnout to you. If you genuinely can’t spare the time when they start to disclose — and I mean if it’s UTTERLY CRITICAL that you deal with something else right now — then instead of asking them to give you the 60-second version, arrange a time you CAN talk for at least 15 minutes. It should be as soon as possible, ideally within the next few hours.
Empathise
Burnout can be devastating (see RBB Issue #01). If someone opens up to you about burning out, it is more than appropriate to show kindness, compassion, and empathy. Here are some simple tips:
Prepare. If the person asks to meet, and you know or suspect that the discussion is going to be about burnout (or another serious condition), preparation can help. Try to ensure you won’t be interrupted, and have tissues available in case emotions spill over. Consider encouraging the person to bring someone else for support. But it’s more important to have the conversation when the person is ready, even if the setting isn’t ideal or if you feel unprepared.
Validate. This simply means acknowledging that a person’s internal experience is real and meaningful (e.g., “Wow, that sounds awful! I’m sorry I didn’t realise how rough things have been for you.”) You don’t have to agree with them about every workplace complaint or pretend you feel the same if you don’t.
Reassure. Disclosing burnout involves shame and other obstacles to disclose burnout (as I’ve said before, there’s a lot of shame associated with it), so when someone tells you they are burning out, this is a huge compliment: they see you as trustworthy. In their moment of vulnerability, it will be helpful for you to provide reassurance that you won’t abuse their trust (e.g., “I’m happy to try to help if I can, and I’ll keep whatever details we discuss confidential.”)
Be trauma-aware. Causes of burnout (see RBB Issue #02) usually include prolonged exposure to stressful circumstances, but they can also include traumatic experiences. Trauma-awareness is about understanding how trauma (in all its forms, such as direct, vicarious, and complex) can influence behaviour, especially when people are discussing their traumatic experiences. In such circumstances, people may seem unusually emotional. They may at times be unresponsive. They may speak in ways that seem inappropriate. Try your best to not make judgements or assumptions about them on the basis of such behaviours.
Ask
Listening and empathising are important when someone discloses that they are burning out, but you can do more than just smile and nod. In particular, asking questions can help by demonstrating that:
- you’re listening and paying attention,
- you’re concerned and sympathetic, and
- you’re willing to provide support.
Questions can also help you to avoid such unhelpful avenues as:
- Personal judgements, including attributing the burnout to your perception of the individual’s vulnerabilities or limitations;
- Other assumptions, including attributing the burnout to your perception of the problems and pressures present in the individual’s environment; or
- Controlling language, telling the person experiencing burnout what you think they ought to do.
I have a list of specific questions worth asking someone who has been through burnout, but I won’t share it here. This is partly because the suitability of each question depends on the situation, but mostly because a long list of questions conveys the wrong impression.
Because you shouldn’t be asking lots of questions. The initial disclosure conversation is not an investigation — there will be other times to ask questions. It’s far better to let the discloser direct the conversation, and for you to ask only enough questions to show that you’re listening, concerned, and supportive.
Do (Something)
The advice I’ve presented above focuses on how to support a person through an initial disclosure conversation, but it doesn’t yet address your next set of responsibilities. Listening, empathising, and asking questions is not enough — you also need to Do Something!
Unfortunately, I’ve run out of space to address what you need to do… so that’s what I’ll cover in next month’s newsletter.
References
Jones, A. M. (2011). Disclosure of mental illness in the workplace: A literature review. American Journal of Psychiatric Rehabilitation, 14(3), 212-229.
May, R. W., Terman, J. M., Foster, G., Seibert, G. S., & Fincham, F. D. (2020). Burnout stigma inventory: Initial development and validation in industry and academia. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 391.
Meluch, A. L. (2023). Core and catalyst criteria for disclosing one’s burnout in the workplace. Qualitative Research Reports in Communication, 24(1), 61–67.
Wallace J. E. (2017). Mental health and stigma in the medical profession. Health: An Interdisciplinary Journal for the Social Study of Health, Illness and Medicine, 16(1), 3-18.
Wheat, K., Brohan, E., Henderson, C., & Thornicroft, G. (2010). Mental illness and the workplace: conceal or reveal? Journal of the royal society of medicine, 103(3), 83-86.
News
A new series of the podcast Mind on the Job has begun! Please subscribe on your preferred podcast player. The most recent episode is about psychosocial hazards in schools, and the next one will be about psychosocial hazards in FIFO work.
Coming Soon
- The second report of findings from my Experiences of Burnout 2025 study (see RBB issue #06).
- Tools for managing burnout.
Monthly Updates
- Burnout symptom status: Low!
- Secret burnout book query status: [REDACTED]
- Podcast status: More episodes coming soon!
- Number of household members currently afflicted by viruses: All four.
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(c) 2026 Ben J. Searle